I find it so strange that I have so little self discipline after all. I know I am sick son-of-a-bitch, but I didn't realize just how sporadic my efforts would be when other things began to creep into my life. Here I am, supposed to be journaling every day and "Whappo" not happening at all lately. LOL I am not going to beat myself up, though....not worth that misery....nope, uhuh, not this time.
The Plunder is going okay. I have made some progress on the cash flow problem since Val left. Just means that I have to work more often....and that was "one of those things" that gets in the way lately. I will keep it up for as long as I can.
Trish and I seem to be doing okay. Passion is not a part of our life lately, but I feel close to her for other reasons. She has been going through a real transition. She is leaving Discovery and going over to another agency. Her bosses have really shown their true colors in the move. It is sad that she has had to put up with all the crap for so long. It will be good to see her in a different environment.
The kids are cracking me up. With the two litters arriving a week apart, the house is full. Although two have died, the rest of the kittens seem to be doing okay. Zoe's litter is so different than Minnie's. Minnie's is lethargic and quiet. Zoe's kids are bigger, noisy, and ready to go even though they were born a week later. The others in the house seem to tolerate the new ones. Even Frodo has returned and makes himself at home. Spanky has disappeared and has not come home for over a month. We believe he is not alive any more. There are raccoons and other creatures that probably got him. He was a "true male" so it is anyone's guess.
Inside, I am a bit nervous. I am wondering if I have lost my mind. I have gone through other periods like this. It seems to be my disease trying to break through the great wall of HP. It seems to signal that I have to get closer to HP. Well, I am listening. This week affords me some time to accomplish a few things...including some HP time.
Today is a day of beginnings. I just spoke with a book guy and we share the same passion for Clavel's writing. That does it. Tonight, I start Noble House again.
I knew I needed something....maybe HP is talking with me. I broke my glasses, the windshield wipers shredded when I started the car, and two lights were out at the Plunder....yep.....HP says it's time to get moving again.

yes i think i'm going out of my head...
Over you
I want you to want me,
I need you so badly
I can't think of anything but you
-little anthony and the imperials

One fine day
You'll look at me
And you will see our love was meant to be
One fine day
You're gonna want me for your girl
-the chiffons

How long can I exist
Wanting lips I've never kissed
-gene pitney

Isn't it great how many oldies there are about this particular hell? Too distracted to write anything except for the following gem of profound wisdom and eloquence that has been a woman's refrain from time immemorial:

Boys suck.

Tell em y u mad

You know what... I got a new format for this... I'ma just straight rant and y'all will see why I'm mad.


I'm mad as hell that I decided to be nice and let someone buy a phone in my name, and so ATT fucked up and sent the bill to the wrong place. Okay, I'll get over it. But the fukkin phone bill, including prorate and shit, was 131.35 and apparently the muh'fukka didn't have the money in the first place to pay it. SO 131.35 came out my pocket. So I tell him he needs to pay me back and he tellin my bf that he don't have it or he got half that shit and stuff and I'm like... okay well if I don't get the money back, I'ma have to cut off ya phone. I mean the shit is in my name any fukkin way. Then my boyfriend tells me that I hurt his feelings (his friend) by sending him the text message tellin him that. I'm like.. what the fuck? Imagine how my credit would look if he does it again and I have to pay it again and (thanks to the nigga he defendin) I wouldn't have the money to pay it....

Then, this is over a span of two days, later on this nigga tries to kill himself. I'm like "oooooh. What's a young nigga to do." Now you wanna talk about, well, the phone def. gotta be cut off AND i gotta pay this phone bill AND I won't have the money to do either. SO yeah... thats what I get for being nice and trying to help people out. Individuals make me earl.

And my mama swears that she paid my phone bill, but apparently the payment hasn't gotten there becuz even when I called they weren't showing any record of it getting there.So there's another problem. I gotta find the money to pay this bill cuz Ion think she sent the shit at all.. AND i sent her half the fukkin money for it. So I'm slightly annoyed with her.

And i gotta hop skip jump leap run jog power-walk and fly to my third class of the day becuz I only have 20 minutes from the second class to that class to get there and that's about a 25 minute walk if you are the AVERAGE person. And the bus takes too long or else, I'd do that. So I'm just a tad bit pissed off this afternoon.

OK there it is. For all those doing the Onde-along, I finally have some progress to report. We have achieved a color change. The new tone? hmmm I'm thinking its like cocktail shrimp pink now and no longer radioactive smoked salmon pink. Oddly the further I go it feels like I'm loosening my guage which would make sense since I've started getting comfortable with using small needles again and I'm easing up, yet when I checked my gauge there was no change spooooooky.Oh and also, I heart phildar. The new family book came out for summer 2004 and I adore it, first check this out:Ins't that men's sweater great? But also note how difficult it is to fotograph onde, all of those sweaters were made using THE SAME color onde!And this yellow sweater (though not that color) I'm in love with:isnt it great? Yes I do like to show off my chest a lot why do you ask? Hey collar bones can be seeeexay.Yes, obviously I have to move to France (where the naked ladies dance) and STAT.Also, it seems there are a lot of questions/concerns out there about the cashmerino* and since I love it so I feel I must stand up for it. Ok sorry I just haven't had the piling problems anyone else has. I loves my sweater and have worn it a lot since last week and I dont have pils, except for a few on the inside of the sweater where um I don't care if there is piling but even that is minimal. I haven't been giving this sweater gentle treatement either its been going through the normal wear and tear..so do with that information what you will.And now because I am sooooooo tired and have little content for today lets make a list of things we covet I'll go first:ebony needles-just used my first pair and I am hooked they're amazing I need to upgrade my tools nowBrittany Birch needles - hey what can I say I love wooden needlesBrittany Black Walnut needles-they are STUNNING but $90 ? yeah nuh uh5 skiens of Colinette point fiveKid silk haze by Rowen in shades Candygirl and LiquorLorna's laces sock yarn in colorway daffodiland I should stop now, it's a sickness it is, just two days ago I remarked "i don't need more yarn. I have enough." uh yeaahhhhh. Enough is such a subjective concept.